Courage, leadership, and commitment. Three ideas that are sometimes difficult for me.
Now and then I experience a pure and beautiful form of courage. That’s when I post stories like the one titled, ”I have a son.” Much of the time, though, I don’t feel courageous at all. I allow my fear of rejection, ridicule, or (worst of all) no reaction to crawl around in my head and my heart, taking the color and passion out of my thoughts so that when I put words to them they will look pretty and be acceptable to people that some part of me knows should have no power at all in my life or over what I write.
Sometimes I feel like a leader, knowing that there is a hunger in this world for clear ideas and signs to point the way forward. In those times I know that I have good ideas and that I am capable of providing those signs. At other times confidence is an elusive and even incomprehensible notion, and I struggle like Sisyphus to push the metaphorical stone of my understanding up the mountain to clarity, only to have it escape and roll down again just as I get to the peak.
Commitment comes and goes. When it’s there, work is effortless and time passes easily and productively. When it’s not, distractions perch on my shoulder and whisper in my ear, offering me infinite numbers of ways to avoid my fears.
I hope that others who face similar challenges may gain strength from my struggles and small victories, as I attempt share the best of myself in order to meet my commitment to my people and my planet.
Published May 27/21