The Worst Moment of Your Life

You can’t remember it because it happens before you’re even born, and it echoes through the rest of your life

Photo by Evelyn Semenyuk on Unsplash

Conception, gestation, and birth; you’ve been there, or you wouldn’t be reading this. You wouldn’t exist. Every human goes through these events, but our experience of them is uniquely our own.

The most terrifying moment of life for a fetus is the first hard contraction of labor.

As the time of birth approaches, the fetus is bathed in a new assortment of hormones, accompanied by new emotions in the mother. There are gentle contractions as her uterus prepares for birth. These first mild contractions are not alarming to the baby.

The first hard contraction, however, is a shock. I felt crushed by a uterine wall that had suddenly become hard. I felt suffocated even though I was still immersed in amniotic fluid and not yet trying to breathe air. I was terrified.

But even in that extreme distress, I knew this was how it was supposed to happen. I felt that something bigger was comforting me and helping me through my fear. The source of this comfort was the collective consciousness of all living beings on this planet — Gaia.

Photo by SIMON LEE on Unsplash

Here’s some of the conversation we had as I experienced the first hard contraction: my soul to the soul of the Earth, taken from the recording of the session.

“Gaia, you promised me that you would be with me!”

Gaia tells me again something that I misunderstood the first time. It is “You have to do this by yourself,” and not “You have to do this alone.”

Gaia says, “I’ll be with you. You’ll see me. You’ll know that I’m there.”

I can’t believe that. [At this point Grant noted that I appeared quite distraught. I recall those moments as extremely painful. I felt abandoned when I was confused and helpless.]

Suddenly I understand for the first time that my mother and I are two distinct physical beings.

From this point on, I was in the process of being born. It was unpleasant. I felt rejected, expelled from a place where I had been safe. I felt betrayed. The world I had known as home was no longer welcoming. To me as a baby, these were new feelings and I could do nothing to ease them. I could only endure. But to me as the observing adult, the feelings were familiar. I understood at that moment that I had continued to carry the pain of that first rejection and betrayal through my entire life.

During the birthing process I felt fear, some of it my mother’s and some of it mine. Neither of us knew what the outcome would be. For me as the baby, the process was completely unknown territory. My mother’s apprehension was less than mine (she had given birth to one other child), but it still fed and magnified my own fear.

By this time Grant and I had developed an effective method for healing in utero trauma immediately, during the same meditative journey. As I applied this method to my birthing trauma, I was aware of the healing reverberating through my life, up to the present time. This is the same method I now use to guide clients to their own prebirth trauma and heal it.

As a more mature, more skilled, and more spiritually conscious adult, I was able to be an effective guide to my yet-to-be-born self through all of my pre-birth experience, particularly now that I could heal the traumas in the same session. This healing was an essential piece of my healing, and of my becoming who I am today. I am reminded of this bit of wisdom from Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled: “The spiritually evolved person is masterful in the same sense that the adult is masterful in relation to the child. Matters that present great problems for the child and cause it great pain may be of no consequence to the adult at all.”

 — —

This series of articles is about my personal experience, which in its larger aspects is the experience of all of us. The first three articles are about earlier aspects of this adventure: my role as Guinea Pig Number Two, the time before and at conception, and the overall environment of the womb.

If you resonate with this, or if it affects you deeply, consider that healing the traumas of the time before you were born can have a profound effect on your current life. I welcome you to contact me.

April 11 2023

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