Chapter 2: Implantation in the Uterine Wall
This chapter is a discussion of my experience with another significant developmental event: implantation as an embryo in the wall of my mother’s uterus.
The first few phases of cell division from fertilized egg to blastocyst, and the event of implantation in the wall of my mother’s uterus, were unremarkable by comparison with conception. Unremarkable, but not without their own elements of stress.
After I the egg had joined with me the sperm, I as the newly formed zygote was uncertain whether I would successfully implant in my mother’s womb. Driven by the impulse to become anchored, I felt that I knew what needed to be done but not how. As it happened, I didn’t need to figure anything out. I approached the wall of the uterus and the attachment was done, making this developmental event effortless.
I was swimming in an ocean surf as an adult a while ago and was surprised by a large double wave. I found that I could enjoy being tumbled by the power of the ocean because I knew that there was solid ground under me, and I was confident I would soon be able to stand up.
Implantation was like that. In a similar fashion to being tumbled in the surf, though without quite the same degree of confidence (it was, after all, the first time for implantation!), I the embryo found the experience exhilarating. This feeling was echoed in the experience with the ocean wave.
The months from implantation to birth were an exciting time of progress and learning as I developed the physical senses and awareness that we take so much for granted as adults. Every day, though I did not feel the passage of time, I became more. These new sensations, and my increasing abilities to perceive and integrate them, felt normal and even beautiful.
I now understand that it was in the fifth month of gestation that my soul (see chapter 4) integrated with my body. My soul and my human self worked together to develop a strong and mutually beneficial relationship between the two. At the time, what I experienced was a powerful feeling of rightness about what was occurring.
I also understood that Gaia, my mother, and I were all cocreators of who I was becoming. I knew that even in difficult circumstances, the love a mother has for the baby in her womb helps both of them to live and grow.
In my work with Grant, we did not spend much time studying specific stages of gestation after implantation. The stresses I experienced during this time were more related to my mother’s ongoing emotional, mental, and physical experience. This aspect of my journey is discussed in chapter 5.
Chapter 3: The First Contraction of Labor
This chapter tells about my experience with the most difficult moment of life for a fetus: the first hard contraction. I tell the story of my experience of that time and how Gaia assisted me through it..
This chapter also tells how I applied retroactive healing techniques to heal the trauma of the first contraction.
As I approached the time of my birth, I felt once again that something momentous was about to happen. Bathed in a new assortment of hormones, accompanied by new emotions in my mother, I felt gentle contractions as her uterus prepared for delivery. I sensed that a new phase of my journey was imminent. These first mild contractions felt different from what I was accustomed to in the normal course of the day, though they were initially only slightly more vigorous.
I was not prepared for the first hard contraction. I as the baby was initially terrified. I felt crushed and suffocated, even though I was still immersed in amniotic fluid and not yet breathing, by a uterine wall that had suddenly become hard. I was unable to move.
Even in my distress, I knew this was how it was supposed to happen and felt that something bigger was comforting me and helping me through my fear. Again, the source of this comfort was the collective consciousness of all living beings on this planet—Gaia. My own soul was also present (the concept of souls is discussed in chapter 4).
The following is an edited transcript of the words I spoke as I experienced the first hard contraction.
“Gaia, you promised me that you would be with me!”
Now I hear again from Gaia something that I misunderstood the first time. It is “You have to do this by yourself,” and not “You have to do this alone.”
Gaia says to me, “Little one, I’ll be with you. You’ll see me. You’ll know that I’m there.”
I can’t believe that. (At this point Grant observed that I appeared quite distraught. I recall those moments as extremely painful. I felt abandoned at a stage when I was confused and helpless.)
There is a message for me . . . it is a message of love that has a fierce quality. It comes from Gaia, who is there with my mother!
Gaia says to me, “It’s time to separate from your mother.”
I’m calming . . . (sighing)
Gaia lets me be with my mother for a moment. I understand for the first time that my mother and I are two distinct physical beings.
There is also something about us that is indivisible . . . we are doing this together.
I see one of those waves coming (this is a description of how I perceived the messages from Gaia. They looked like ocean swells). I know what it means. The physical message is “Move. Begin to move.”
From this point on, I was in the process of being born. It was unpleasant. I felt rejected, expelled from a place where I had been safe. I felt betrayed. The world I had known as home was no longer welcoming.
To me as a baby, these were new feelings and I could do nothing to ease them. I could only endure. But to me as the observing adult, the feelings were familiar. I understood at that moment that I had carried the pain of that first rejection and betrayal, as a background feeling of abandonment, through my entire life.
During the birthing process I felt fear. Some of it was my mother’s and some of it was mine. Neither of us knew what the outcome would be. For me as the baby, the process was completely unknown territory. My mother’s mild apprehension (she had given birth to one other child) fed and magnified my own fear.
By this time I had been working with Grant for several months, and we had developed an effective method for healing in utero trauma. Our approach combined meditative regression to the womb with a meridian therapy technique called Emotional Freedom Technique. The method itself, and my experience with it, is discussed in detail in chapter 5 and chapter 6.
As I applied the method, I was aware of the healing of my womb trauma reverberating through my life, up to the present time.
Following my own experience of healing, I refined the method further and began to employ it with clients to heal their pre-birth trauma. I also began to teach it.
As a more mature, more skilled, and more spiritually conscious adult, I was able to be an effective guide to my yet-to-be-born self. This was an essential piece of the healing and of my becoming who I am today. I was reminded of this wisdom from Scott Peck:
The spiritually evolved person is masterful in the same sense that the adult is masterful in relation to the child. Matters that present great problems for the child and cause it great pain may be of no consequence to the adult at all.
Published July 20 2021